Scampi's Rules

I keep seeing this strange list on other doggies posts about how they will NOT do any of these things. It is Soooo not real.
I have revised it to suit me, so here is my list.

• I will always eat the kitty food, before or after they eat it.
  

• The Cat litter box is filled with treats!
  

• I will play tug o’ war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

• I will always roll on anything I find that is dead or smelly, that way I can smell like that too.
  

• I will wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose in her ear, and start whining in it too!

• I will bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for mom’s driver’s license and car registration.

• I will not get my feet wet, even if I have not gone out in 8 hours, if it is raining.
  

• I will steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the house with it when they are having company over
  

• The sofa is a face towel. So are Mom and Dad’s laps.

• We have a doorbell, and I will bark each time I hear one on TV.

• Ditto for door knocking, hammering, someone doing anything that sounds like knocking.
  

• My head does belongs in the refrigerator.

• Ditto for our guest’s crotch.

• I will roll my toys behind the fridge and then bark at Mom until she retrieves it for me. The same for my toys in the pool..

• The garbage collector IS stealing our stuff.

• And so is the Mailman, he is just evil!

• The UPS truck is another evil entity which must at all costs be kept away from the house and street
  

• People walking by my house are too close, and will bark at them until I can't see them any more to keep away.
• and yes, I do own both sides of the street.
• I will whine when Mom goes into the bathroom and shuts me out, she may escape out the window.
• All dogs are for me to play with, even in dog school, despite Mom telling me to sit and stay, hah!
• Any food left within my reach is fair game
• All and any toys belong to me.